Football in Australia has its problems and Usain Bolt is not the answer
Australian football started the week kicking the tyres of a Ferrari but it looks like it is ending up with a Honda. And for once you can't fault its choice.
The Ferrari was Usain Bolt and the Honda was, well, Honda — Keisuke Honda, the Japanese star who is reportedly close to signing with Melbourne Victory as an international marquee player.
So it seemed a simple choice given Honda is a wonderfully accomplished footballer and Bolt, on all available evidence, is not.
But to paraphrase an old line, no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of Australian football administration. And so the thought of the FFA paying for Bolt's $900,000 Central Coast holiday from its marquee fund did not seem far fetched.
Not even after the Socceroos' World Cup campaign had raised more concerns about the cost-cutting closure of the elite academy that helped produced the "Golden Generation", or the recent decision to raise the national registration fee (the tax on grass roots participants).
Football loves a sugar hit and the tabloid frenzy created by images of Bolt in a Mariners shirt had the capacity to give the entire A-League Type 2 diabetes.
Yet Mr Magoo could see that lining the pockets of a multi-million dollar sprint star at a time when a cash-strapped game is struggling to fund the initiatives needed to take the A-League forward was not good optics.
And, almost as surprisingly, so did the FFA, which has told Central Coast it must find private backers to pay Bolt's hefty fee.
It was not just the financial hit that made the FFA's decision easy. It was just far too easy to mock the idea of the eight-times Olympic gold medallist turning out for the lowly Mariners.
Too easy to suggest, for example, there was more chance of one of the giant sauce bottles at Central Coast Stadium scoring the winner against Melbourne City in the club's first home game than the triple Olympic 100 metre champion.
Too easy to venture that Australian football losing the greatest Socceroo Tim Cahill and gaining a Jamaican sprinter in the same week now seemed a bit like the United States losing Barack Obama and gaining Donald Trump in one election.
Too easy because the A-League is rapidly reaching the point where black humour is the only alternative to curling up in the foetal position and murmuring "please stay Daniel Arzani, please stay Daniel Arzani" over and over again.
But it is not simply the idea of paying a man whose football regime includes a failed trial at Borussia Dortmund and not particularly impressive highlights reel compiled during a charity match $900,000 to play kick-about for six weeks in the Central Coast sunshine that is absurd.
Who knows, in comparison to what the Mariners have put on the park in recent seasons, Bolt might even show a bit. There has never been a player better equipped to beat the off-side trap, although keeping the ball at his flying feet might be another matter.
The problem is in the current context of the A-League, Bolt would not merely be the cream but also a large slice of the cake. The novel alternative after a succession of potential marquee signings chose to go elsewhere (most notably Fernando Torres and Andres Iniesta signed with Japanese clubs).
The A-League alone does not carry the can for this. In the quest for big name signings it is the unfortunate victim of the Asian football expansion that has seen wages in China explode and the inflationary effect ripple through other leagues.
It must also be said football is not the only code with its share of problems. The AFL, for instance, is on the verge of making so many rule changes it will start next season as a hybrid of sled racing and tiddlywinks.
But Australian football is eternally tortured by its sense of possibility. So many children playing the game, so much love for the greatest stars on the global stage, so much excitement when the Matildas and Socceroos perform nobly despite the enormous barriers placed in their way.
Understandably the sport's greatest advocates are crying out for real solutions. Ways to turn hope and expectation into a more vibrant local league and create a production line of future stars.
So when Bolt is presented as the answer by those pushing the "He'll fill the stadiums!" line, it seems not merely insulting but downright depressing.
Particularly for those who realise this stunt is not calibrated to improve the fortunes of Australian football or the Mariners, but of Brand Bolt. This was immediately apparent in the enthusiastic support of the tabloid media hoping for six weeks' worth of paparazzi shots of Bolt sunbathing on the beach at Terrigal or dancing on the bar at the Gosford RSL Club.
External Link: ITV tweet: Very nearly a Bolt from the blue in the 3rd minute!
Wisely, FFA has kept its purse closed. If Bolt comes for a working holiday his stay would likely be funded by corporate sponsors hoping to cash in on his cache — not necessarily that of the game.
You would like to think those sponsors will hang around and put their name on a new national academy or an A-League shirt. Not disappear 9.58 seconds after Bolt has left for his next corporate gig.
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ABC .net
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