Collingwood’s grand final loss reopens old Magpies wounds
By the time I rushed from my seat on level two at the MCG and got to my younger son, his head was buried in his big brother's lap and he was sobbing uncontrollably.
If the unbearable tension of the entire AFL grand final had not already been too much for a starry-eyed Collingwood fan, the totally justifiable jubilation of the nest of Eagles fans nearby had pushed him over the edge.
Seeing your son experience the same pain you had endured so many times as a child, you are struck numb by a mixture of fatherly compassion and awful guilt.
What have you done to your poor innocent children? Why have you unloaded decades of Magpies pain upon them when you could have let them barrack for other less heartbreaking teams?
Were the tears you shed after defeats in 1977 and 1979 and 1980 and 1981 and 1990 (the Pies won, but I was living in London) and 2002 and 2003 and — after the psychological release of 2010 — 2011 not enough to override your need for parental control?
After all, what kind of father would expose his own flesh and blood to sheer, excruciating inevitability of what took place at the MCG on Saturday afternoon when the Magpies lost to West Coast by five predictable points?
Why would you expose two wonderful kids to the false hope that almost always compounds the agony of another soul destroying Collingwood defeat?
This time — five goals up in the first quarter; then leading by two goals early in the last and still two points clear in the dying minutes and with several chances to score.
In these moments it's only a matter of what the opposition will do to shatter your dreams, not if it will happen.
This time it was a perfect kick from the boundary by the Eagles midfielder Dom Sheed that was the stake through the heart.
A brilliant mixture of nerve, skill and geometry that will take its place with Leo Barry's match saving mark in 2005 and Barry Breen's winning point for St Kilda in 1966 on the list of iconic grand final moments.
Sheed's goal gave the Eagles a victory they richly deserved. To overcome their slow start and again fight back from two goals down in the last quarter demanded a display of strength and composure from a team that had been rattled by its 2015 grand final defeat.
Similarly, while typecast as heroic losers, the Magpies were immense. Chris Mayne, the scapegoat of Fremantle's 2013 grand final defeat was courageous; American Mason Cox overcame a poor start and stood to his full 211 centimetres.
Yet such gallantry unrewarded by the silverware rings hollow and the depth of Collingwood's agony is now easily quantifiable: since 1959 they have played in 16 grand finals, won two, drawn two and lost 12 with six of those defeats by 10 points or less.
Thus it is not merely the law of average, but seemingly the law of nature that the Magpies will always lose the close one.
Viewing those figures and still allowing your children to follow the black and white is like scanning the road toll numbers and not making them wear seatbelts.
'Try being a St Kilda supporter'
Of course, expressing your pain as a Collingwood supporter seldom elicits much sympathy. Decades of August triumphalism by a battalion of expectant Magpie fans has invited September schadenfreude from their opposition — even if this season's very likable team and their rejuvenated coach Nathan Buckley gained grudging respect.
But perhaps the most common response I encountered on Saturday when venturing that Collingwood was the true King of Pain was — "try being a St Kilda supporter".
And, quite rightly, fans of the foundation club that has won just one premiership in 122 mostly lean seasons (naturally, by one point against Collingwood in 1966) has strong claims to the throne.
Collingwood's grand final heartbreak against St Kilda's almost unrelenting futility was, as much as the grand final itself, the equation that proud but crestfallen Collingwood supporters pondered as they trudged from the MCG and into the soft Melbourne twilight.
Is it better to have played in so many losing grand finals or never to have played in them at all?
Personally, I choose taking a 25 stop ride to grand final disappointment than having your ticket punched in June or July and spending the back half of the season hoping you can cause the odd upset or sign a big-name recruit.
Besides, it turns out you can rely on the comfort of strangers.
As I lifted my son up in my arms and gave him a hug, a bunch of Eagles fans nearby noticed his distress.
As we walked up the aisle, one by one elated Eagles fans interrupted their 13th rendition of Eagle Rock to pat his back, shake his hand and tell him "your team was incredible" and "you'll be back".
It was a wonderful display of humanity and also a timely reminder of what had just taken place; a brilliant sporting contest between two teams who had performed with incredible resilience in the most trying circumstances.
Being consoled by kind-hearted Western Australians wasn't exactly how we hoped to finish the day.
But then, knowing a Collingwood and grand finals almost always finishes in tears it's what we should have expected.
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