Invictus Games families benefit from shared experiences at event
Suffering a catastrophic injury or illness does not just have a profound impact on the person affected.
It also sends shockwaves through their network of relatives and close friends, who often play a vital role in the healing and rehabilitation process.
In my case, spinal cord injury plunged me into a bewildering world of hospitals, wheelchairs and the rehabilitation process.
I quickly came to appreciate the value of sport in my rehab, but I was fortunate — this was not a journey I took alone.
My wife Penny was my rock, supporting me through the process. She was expecting our first child, so we also had that focus to help pull us through.
Where I drew support from spending time with other people with spinal cord injury, that same peer-to-peer support existed between family members.
In time, we were able to resume our lives and face the challenges of parenthood.
But the value of that peer support was never forgotten, and Penny went on to act as a mentor for other young families through a program set up by UK spinal injuries charity The Back Up Trust.
Helping families through difficult times
The Invictus Games serves as a focus to bring injured and ill service personnel together and support them through a shared experience.
That same peer-to-peer mechanism can also help the families to support each other through difficult times.
As well as providing opportunities to talk about practical matters, shared experience can create a powerful bond.
When Chris Pitman discharged from the Royal Australian Navy in 2007, he suddenly found himself very alone, as he explained to me.
"The service is all about camaraderie, and being around people who are like-minded," he said.
"When you're in the military for a long period of time, they teach you how to be a totally different person.
"I put my hand up for help in 2006, only to be told my career was pretty much over because I had put my hand up.
"When I got out, I didn't know how to communicate with people. I didn't do any of the program that were there to help — which were pretty minimal anyway. I just got out.
"Luckily I started work pretty much straight away, because that's all I knew."
'Already broken when I discharged'
But Chris's mental health deteriorated further after leaving the Navy.
"I was already broken when I discharged, but over a few years I deteriorated further," he recalled.
"My life was going to work, on the way home grabbing a fair bit of food and alcohol, sitting in bed eating and drinking and watching TV until I fell asleep, and then getting up and doing it all over again.
"I was going through a difficult divorce at the time, and I was disconnected from my family and the kids."
Over time Chris's mental state affected his physical health.
"I got to 127 kilos. Then one day I was trying to get up some stairs and my heart was racing," he said.
"I made the decision to stop drinking, lose weight and give up smoking, which I did. I did that in isolation as well."
Four years ago, Chris met his partner, Kylie Richards.
"When we first met, I felt like I was okay. I tricked myself into believing I was okay because I had isolated myself from everything.
"The only person I had to bother was myself."
Nowhere to hide
Kylie takes up the story.
"When we first went out and it was the two of us, [Chris's post-traumatic stress] wasn't something that came to the fore," she said.
"But I've got younger kids as well, and it was when he moved in and he had the responsibilities of being a role model and being tolerant.
"There's nowhere to hide in a family."
Going out proved difficult for Chris and Kylie too.
"One day I'd be okay in a crowded place, and the next day I would want to get out," Chris said.
"I would become angry because Kylie didn't understand — it was new for her."
Kylie began to look for help in addressing Chris's deteriorating mental health.
"Soldier On was the only organisation that had a profile when I first started researching the subject," she said.
Through Soldier On, the couple began cycling regularly with other veterans and their families.
At the time there were no real support groups, although this is a need that has been identified by a number of veteran support organisations, a need that will hopefully be addressed in the future.
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Eighteen months ago Chris reached his lowest point.
"I thought my life was over," he explained.
"It's horrible seeing how your behaviour affects your partner, and even more importantly how it affects the kids, seeing that fear in their eyes because they don't know how you're going to react.
"I used to punch myself in the head so hard that I knocked myself out."
At that point Kylie made the brave decision to involve other people, and she called the police.
"If it wasn't for Kylie's intervention, doing what was needed to get me to hospital, that was the day I was going," Chris recalled.
"I'd made that decision. I had got that angry that it wouldn't have been pretty."
Getting the tools needed to heal
With better mental health support, Chris was given the tools he needed to help him to move forward.
"I have a mental health plan at the moment which I never had before," he said.
"Kylie sees the signs before I do, and she doesn't get so frustrated because I'm not getting as angry as I was."
Being selected for Invictus played an important part in Chris's road to recovery.
But selection also has its pitfalls, as Kylie explained.
"Those of us who have partners with PTS, we were talking about how they worked so hard and got selected, and how the pressure of selection can lead to self-sabotage — not eating properly and even coming off your training program," she said.
"A number of the team have all been in that boat, and when they get here it's about coming to peace with that, so you can do the best that you can on the day, but knowing that you could have done better.
"It's not easy to go through that and then walk out to represent your country. I don't think the people watching in the crowd understand that side of things."
But Kylie has also experienced the peer support from other families during the Invictus Games.
"I caught the train back with the mum and dad of one of the other competitors last night," she said.
"Dad has done a couple of tours of Timor, lost a couple of mates and has his own issues with PTS, and we were talking about that on the train last night.
"This morning [his wife] said to me, 'You won't believe it — that conversation he was having with you last night, he picked it up with another couple from the team on the train in this morning'.
"He's never spoken about that stuff — ever."
Games' focus on the family important
Chris sees the family support as an important part of the Invictus Games.
"We're here to make sure our families have a positive experience," he said.
"I love that there is such a focus on the family, which can get missed a lot while we're serving in the military."
There is increasing recognition of the role played by families in the rehabilitation process.
Construction is underway on Australia's first specialised unit to care for veterans at Concord Repatriation General Hospital (CRGH) in Sydney.
The charity Soldier On has been working with the hospital to develop Australia's first world-class facility to provide integrated specialist services for Australia's defence and national security personnel and their families.
While the facilities for service personnel are being funded by the NSW Government, funding is still being sought for family accommodation on site.
This would enable the family to support the veteran from the beginning of the journey by providing family members with the professional support they will need on the long and difficult road ahead.
Chris is passionate about the need for more of this approach to care and support for veterans and their families.
"I really believe that if they can get this right, it's going to go a long way to making things easier for people, and cut down on the suicide rate," he said.
"Because one is too many."
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